Business As Usual
Date: February 23rd, 2009
Category: School Violence
The Cho Factor, Part XXXIV
By Robert Ringer
After my son made his comment about bringing his “nines” to school (in reference to his basketball shoes), his two tormentors gleefully started yelling, “Andrew said he’s going to bring a Glock 9 to school!”
The teacher, notwithstanding the fact that she knew full well that these two miscreants taunted my son relentlessly every day, told the boys to go to the principal’s office and report the incident. And, of course, they did so with great enthusiasm.
My son was immediately called to the office and questioned by the principal, “Mr. Bershitske.” As I said in my article
“The Principle/Principal Problem,“ Mr. Bershitske bore a remarkable physical resemblance to Adolf Eichmann – but with a much worse demeanor. The man gave new meaning to the word cruelty.
Predictably, Mr. Bershitske said he didn’t believe my son’s story, and subsequently searched his locker. Surprise! Only books and bubble gum … not even a box of ammo or, at least, a bayonet. Nevertheless, Eichmann’s reincarnation called the police. Makes perfect sense to me. After all, my son had been accused by none other than two of the most notorious bullies in the school.
While driving on the freeway, I received a call saying that my son had threatened to bring a gun to school and that the principal had called the police. I knew without hearing any of the details that it was vintage school B.S., but, even so, my heart dropped to my toes.
(When I use the term “vintage school B.S.,” I’m talking about the kind of distractions that go on nonstop in every school in the country and interfere with what the students should be doing: getting an education. One of the main reasons that home-schooled kids do so much better academically is that they don’t have to put up with this kind of teacher-inspired nonsense and can focus on learning.)
When I arrived at the school, my son was in Mr. Bershitske’s office, as was a policeman. I sat down and asked Andrew to tell me what had happened. As he started to explain, the officer stunned me by interrupting him with, “Why don’t you cut the crap? You know you’re lying.”
Have you ever kept quiet in a situation where you instinctively knew you should speak up, then kicked yourself later for not doing so? I will never forgive myself for not telling the policeman that he was out of line, that he had no evidence whatsoever that justified accusing my son of lying.
Eventually, the policeman left and the meeting was disbanded. More waste of taxpayer money and another scar on another child. Business as usual in a typical American school.
But that wasn’t the end. When my son got home after school, he told me that when he went back to the classroom, the kids were just filing out, and the two jokers who had set him up were laughing hilariously about the incident. They further taunted him by chanting the words to a rap “song” they’d cleverly come up with about his getting in trouble for a Glock 9 that he didn’t even know anything about.
I could have escalated the matter by filing a complaint against the out-of-line officer with the police department, and perhaps suing the school,. But I knew that the time and money involved would be enormous, and that the chances of anything good coming out of it were almost nil. So, as millions of other folks have done in similar situations, my wife and I simply removed our son from that particular bully safe haven at the end of the year.
As I have emphasized in earlier Cho Factor articles, some children can handle abuse from teachers and fellow students better than others. Every child is different. But what all bully victims learn is what every adult knows all too well: The world is not fair.
Criminals go free, and many even end up in government. If the meek inherit the earth, they probably deserve it, because what they have to go through day in and day out in their school years is nothing short of a living hell.
S.B., you asked for advice, but, unfortunately, I don’t have the advice you’d most like to hear: how to bring your son back. All I can tell you is that you should be grateful to God for the years you had with him. If he considered you to be his best friend, you had something special that the majority of fathers never experience.
As I said in my recent article “When Desires Collide With Reality,” when John Travolta’s son died, it was yet another reminder of one of life’s harshest realities – that no one, no matter how rich or famous, escapes the tragedies inherent in human existence.
Yes, I’m concerned about the next Cho who takes out his torment on his fellow students. But, as I have repeatedly said in other Cho Factor articles, I’m even more concerned about the millions of kids who are scarred for life as a result of school injustices – children who suffer quietly as the bullies laugh at how easily they are able to get away with their cruel, smart-aleck antics.
Even more, I am concerned about the many others – like S.B.’s son – who don’t even make it through school alive.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:19 pm
I think you are right on with just about everything you state in this article and all your articles, for that matter.
I am stupified though, at the fact that you would have your child in a school that had this attitude.
February 23rd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
My son was bullied on the way home and back in middle school. He never told me about it until years later. He had quite a growth spurt one year so he decided to end it and took on the bullies and kicked the **** out of them. That solved the problem in middle school.
Later he ran into the same kind of treatment in High School. When he began skipping school it got my attention and we went with him to see the school counselor. He told us that he couldn’t do anything because no one had witnessed the bullying. When I suggested my son handle it on his own by returning blows we were informed that such action would result in his suspension.
The result was that he ended up dropping out of high school. His choices continued to be bad for years thereafter. Recently he finished his high school GED and started college where he is maintaining a B+ average.
It is a shame that the public school system is so shabbily run.
February 23rd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
I was so pleased to discover that I’m not the only one who has experienced this kind of nonsense with the public school.
Last year, my daughter was harrassed—and even CHOKED—on the school bus. What did the school do? They suspended HER for using profanity when forcefully telling her attacker to back off.
The Vice Principal called me to tell me that my daughter had caused a disruption on the bus. She and her friend (who managed to push the choker off my daughter) were laughing and carrying on and I guess a couple of other bus riders didn’t like that, so they attacked her. The way the VP told the story, you would have thought she was riding on a bus-full of angels, all quietly reading Scripture passages, and my daughter and her friend lit a firecraker.
Idiot that I am, I took the principal at his word, though (luckily) I insisted on a meeting with him and my daughter.
My daughter and her friend BOTH told me that there is so much screaming and throwing items on the bus that the bus driver has given up entirely on maintaining order, so any giggles from the girls were a minor contribution to the general chaos.
The VP said there was a video tape of the incident but—get this—he couldn’t let ME see it because he had to “protect the privacy” of the students.
He off-handedly mentioned that the attacker (who is Mexican), called her brother with her cell phone and asked him, “How would you like to meet me at the bus stop and beat up a couple of white chicks?”
When I asked what the school was doing to protect my daughter and her friend, who had obviously been threatened, he said, “We are acting in accordance with district guidelines.”
When I pressed him for specifics, he repeated his robot-drivel. I asked a third time and received the same canned reply. Now, I was getting mad.
I said, “Look, if you want to play word games with me, you will lose. Now, you’re uttering some pretty words, but you still haven’t SAID anything. Shall we try again, or should I involve the police department in this matter?”
He brought in the campus officer who, fortunately, had the common sense to cut through the bs of the situation.
I finally asked the VP, “I am going to ask you one more time, just what is being done to protect these girls. Let me cut through it for you: You and I both know that if my daughter and her friend were black, and the assailant had said “n****rs” instead of “white chicks,” we’d be having an entirely different conversation.”
I looked at the officer, who smiled and then detailed the steps being taken.
I only discovered the next day that my daughter had received one-day in-school suspension for the incident. The meeting I had with her and the VP was the suspension.
I sent a letter of formal objection to the principal, the VP, and the superintendant of schools about the incident. I also started driving both of the girls to and from school myself.
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:41 pm
When I was in high school, I knew people who behaved the same way they did in elementary school. Those people display similar traits even in University. For me, its funny and sad in the same time. Although their knowledge of general culture has inreased, their self-awareness has not. Their emotions keep on leading the way to their habits and decisions. Mind you, even I don’t feel like I have totally grown up yet.
Anyways, the point is that in the end nothing really matters. I am referring to Robert’s Ice-ball theory that states: “Nobody is going to care who did what after world is gone”. Which means, our emotions only mean someting to us, while we are ALIVE and HEALTHY. By health, I am also referring to mental health.
Notions of self-awareness and emotional controle should be priority in elementary schools. That’s my belief for what it’s worth. Otherwise, we will continue to be surrounded by out-of-controle self-gratifying species of the human race.
Thank you for your time,
“iproy”
February 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I really feel if parents would be real parents, we wouldn’t have these problems quite so much. Little Johnny & Sarah are not always perfect angels. Cut the sue happy and make the kids mind.
I used to tell mine if you misbehave in school the teacher has the right to punish you, that is part of her job. I will not run to school on your behalf if you get out of line. We didn’t have very many issues, every one turned out just fine.
Dordean
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Dear Mr. Ringer, at the end of 7th grade my daughter’s friends turned on her (boys and girls). She was just a small sweet thing. All of her “friends” were maturing much faster than her. Within the first couple of weeks of 8th grade, a couple of boys were walking behind her and calling her a “whore” and a “slut”. She finally had enough and whirled around and slapped one of the boys on his face. Her handprint stayed on his face for a couple of hours. A teacher noticed the “handprint” and sent him to the principal’s office. Of course, his story was that my daughter just slapped him out of the blue. Three days later, I gOT a call from the vice-principal that my daughter slapped a kid. I asked if he knew why she did that and he said the boys were “calling her names.” I asked what names and he said, “whore” and “slut”. He said he was sending her to OCC (a place where bad kids go). I said, “send her”. Why? (By the way, when all of the other kids at OCC found out why she was there, they gave her a standing ovation!) Because I had just read “Reviving Ophelia” by Dr.Mary Pipher. I am still grateful that I read that book because it empowered me in this situation. My daughter did physically attack that kid and so she should suffer the consequences. I never went down to the school to “rescue” her. She had two true friends accompany her to the car that afternoon and when they got to the car, I high-fived them all for being so BRAVE!!
I didn’t send her to school the next Friday and Monday was a holiday. When she walked onto the school grounds on Tuesday, all the women teachers were giving her the thumbs up and all of the girls surrounded her in a circle of love. (My guess, she wasn’t the only one getting harrassed.) Now, my daughter is 5′10″, a P.E. teacher and head coach for a high school basketball team. She is loving, kind, compassionate, strong, etc., etc. and will be getting married soon – in a RED dress!! Oh by the way, I sent the principal and vice-principal a “letter” about the whole incident (let me know if you want a copy – it’s good). They never responded to me. In my next reply, I will tell you the story of my son getting harrassed a couple of times and how we (my son and I)solved it. (Hey, you leave us hanging all the time!!) Love you Mr. Ringer!!
February 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am
You are 100% correct in this article. My son for many years had talked and dreamed about becoming a virologist. He had straight A’s in math and science. He had the mind and ambition to become just that. But he had always been bullied in school and seemed to get worse in high school. He was not only bullied by a couple of students but also by a couple of teachers. He became an alcoholic and dropped out of high school his junior year. In stead of the school stopping the bullying, the school wanted to change the victim, the sensitive child. To me that’s abuse. Parents don’t know even half of what some of our children go through in school. Living in a rural area there is not much choice of switching schools. You bet this child has scars and for the rest of his life. That is very sad. And what is also sad is society will never know what disease this child could have cured if he had been able to continue his dream and used his natural born abilities. We all need to keep speaking out on this subject. Thanks Robert!
February 25th, 2009 at 10:02 am
I have such a low opinion of school administrators, I can barely have a civil conversation with any them. So many of them seem to be on such a power trip. A recent example from my life which fueled the fire of my discontent…
The 11th grade VP called my son in for an incident that happened at another school on a day our school was out early. My son understandably got defensive with her for calling him in for something that was completely not her business. She made the mistake of calling me to tell me that he had been a bit mouthy with her. I told her that while I like him to be respectful of people, I agreed with him that the incident was none of her business since it didn’t even happen at her school, not even in her district and while school was out of session!
She tried to defend herself saying she was just trying to be polite and let me know that another school had called her to make her aware of the problem. I told her she should have just said that since our school was out of session,it wasn’t her problem and just referred them to me.
I had to make it very clear to her that she was not to put anything in his disciplinary record about the incident, and that if she ever wanted to call my son in again, she needed to call me first. I am very protective of my son in interactions with school administrators because he has been treated very harshly by them in the past. They are sometimes some of the worst bullies in the school! Last year the VP all but told him he was worried my son was going to become a school shooter. My son is a very non-violent person, so he is pretty much scarred for life by that one. There was more too, like that my son (who is brilliant) would never amount to anything.
If I had any viable alternatives to public school, I would definitely be out of there. I tried homeschooling, but it just wasn’t a good fit for our family. I don’t think it’s my battle to fight, but I hope future generations will have new opportunities and options in education.